"Shoot for the moon, and if you fall, you'll still be among the stars." Author Unknown

When Will I Get Good?

"Dear Edie,
Do all salsa teachers pack so much new stuff into a one hour class that you can't remember any of it 20 minutes later? The girls say they'd be bored working at one sequence for a whole hour, so he has to keep them entertained, but the men have to learn, so we can lead :-\"
- Overwhelmed

Dear Overwhelmed,
No, not all teachers do this. It depends on who's teaching, and who's learning. They will usually teach at an even pace, depending on the class level. If you're taking a group dance class, the instructors have a very difficult job. They have to make sure their students learn, so they teach good, and challenging moves for their level. The only way the male students can learn to lead these moves is by practicing with women. The only reason the women will come to the group class is if the class is fun and interesting. So, the instructor must please both the women, and the men. Because women are the followers, and really have no say in their movement nor direction during dancing, after a while, it is very boring and sometimes aggravating to be twirled around by beginners the entire hour. We all pay the same price at the class door, and if the women don't feel they are getting anything new and exciting out of it, they won't continue coming back.

Until I started to learn how to lead, I didn't appreciate this. I couldn't stand group classes. Why? Because unless the instructor specifically demonstrated a female flair movement, or fancy trick I had to do, I would always just end up following the guy the entire hour. After a while, following, following, following... well, I'd much rather spend my money in a club than at class anymore (yes, even Edie the FREAK could be a bitch sometimes...).

Instructors must keep moving on to more interesting and complex instruction to keep the women coming to class. They must continuously make learning to dance interesting, fun, and challenging for everybody. If you feel that the instructor isn't spending enough time on a move, then ask a gal at the class to stay a few minutes afterward to practice a bit. Buy her dinner in trade for an hour of practice after class. This works 80% of the time. If you don't want to do that, then I suggest you take privates from the instructor.

It is so hard to find someone just to practice with. That's why we've tried to provide a service here on Salsaweb to connect partners in your cities.

Now that I'm learning the guy's "Leading" part, I really feel for the guy now, because I'm in the same dilemma! I started taking group classes. Wouldn't you figure, no girls wanted to dance with me (yes, I am a girl too!)! I was beginning to feel like "one of the guys... PISSED OFF that they all kept saying no! And for good reason! What girl would want to dance with another girl? I sucked so bad as a leader, even my OWN FRIENDS didn't want to dance with me anymore - not even to practice! What a DRAG!!!"

So I asked the instructor if he / she wouldn't mind helping me a bit after each demonstration. I know I will eventually have to take privates, because finding someone to practice with is too difficult. I may even buy one of my girlfriends dinner....

The best thing for both you and I to do would be to just take privates for a while, and practice with whoever and whatever lets us... the dog, the pillow, the towel, a tie .. WHATEVER!!!

"Dear Edie, I love salsa and I love dancing it. The only problem is that I can't do a lot of turns . I know how to dance it a little bit and I look all right but I want to get better . I always watch other people dancing and I want to learn more moves but I don't know how. I do all the same moves all the time. I have a partner that I kind of learned a lot with . We dance together all the time and we practice other moves that other people do. I would like to be a professional salsa dancer one day. That is my dream. I'm going to Puerto Rico for Christmas to see my family. My cousin is going to take me out . I'm going to try and see I can learn some new moves there. I would love for you to help me out and give me some more advice on how to learn to be a professional. I live [city] and they do not have that many clubs and a lot of salsa dancers out here."
- Turnless

Dear Turnless,
First of all, if you’ve decided that fancy turns will be your very own Salsa style, than so be it. Let there be no limitations in the Salsa/Mambo Kingdom. However, you must keep in mind, that Salsa is not about fancy turns and tricks. It is simply listening and moving to the feeling and spirituality the rhythm brings to your heart, mind, and body. There are some people who prefer NO turns. They just love the feeling and sensation of the music coupled with holding another human being close. Don’t ever think that women will not enjoy dancing with you if you don’t do all those fancy turns. On the contrary, fancy turns stress a lot of women out. Believe it or not, most women would prefer simplistic, rhythmic, stylish moves over complex turns that could cause an injury.

But, if you still want to learn more turns, and you’re not having much luck picking up new turns at clubs, nor finding good instructors, then I suggest you buy or rent some west coast swing and ballroom videos from a local ballroom studio. They are chalk full of fancy turns and tricks. You can taylor them to suit your Salsa street dancing style. There have also been many times when my partners and I have just simply "made up" turns while joking around on the dance floor. Having a blast with friends, and uninhibited playing around on the dance floor sparks TONS of creativity. You’d be surprised what you come up with if you and your partner just let your minds go wild…

"Dear Edie,
I really want to take dancing classes, but at the same time I'm really nervous because I can't dance at all. I'm not flexible at all when it comes to moving and dancing. Do you think that maybe I should order videos first before starting any lessons? I love to listen to music, but it comes to dancing I get really embarrased. I know I'm going to be a stubborn one to learn, but I want to do it."
- Scared to learn...not a quick learner!

Dear Scared to learn...not a quick learner,
This is what you should do.

• Stop worrying about your abilities as a "dancer". The dance is just a walk. That’s all. If you can walk, then you can Salsa.
• If you are embarrassed to be seen in a group class with others, take a private lesson or two, three, or four. This springs your confidence like you would not believe.
• Go to a club to WATCH - AND STUDY MOVES - don’t dance for a month or so. Just enjoy the music, watch the great Salseros, and take very good notes.
• Continue your privates, and take a group class or two once you gain a bit more confidence.
• You’ll know when you’re ready to "hit the streets" when you’re ready.
• Instructors: When the student is ready, the teacher will come. There are many fine instructors in the cityguides’ section of Salsaweb for your city. Go take a look. Best of luck to you!

"Dear Edie,
I'm enjoy and thank you for all your words of encouragement and advice. Most of it is invaluable to beginners like me who don't need any help committing minor, and often times major, screw-ups in club etiquette and acceptable dancefloor moves.

My goal is to become an excellent follower and get through a song without causing a major stop and restart. I'd like to be able to follow well enough to dance an entire song through smoothly and joyfully. How important is it for the female to know all the routines/moves a male could lead you into in order to accomplish my goal. Or is it just knowing many but always be able to let go and "be lead?"

At this point, I think my weakest skill is understanding what the male wants in terms of turns and arm movements. For instance, sometimes the man will lift my arm in what seems to me to be a request to turn left or right, whatever, but really its meant to place my arm, or hand, around his neck. I hesitate to blame the male dancers, but sometimes I think this may be where a little firmness helps, or at least be quicker about where the lifted arm/hand is going. I'm planning on taking several privates lessons with a male instructor just to work on this aspect. Would that be a reasonable expectation?"
- Dancing in My Sleep

Dear Dancing in My Sleep,
Congratulations on deciding to take your privates. You’ve accomplished 50% of what it takes. The other 50% is making sure you keep the rhythm, keep your basic, and MASTER YOUR RIGHT AND LEFT TURNS. Why? Because 90% of the time, the woman turns much more than the man does. I sometimes feel like I do over 100 turns in a single song. I’d really be curious to see if anyone has actually counted how many times, on the average, a guy will turn a woman during a single song….

You don’t need to worry about memorizing moves. The guy’s job is to lead you through everything. As a woman, all you need to do (in the beginning) is just keep the rhythm and the basic. With practice, and going out often enough, being a good follower will eventually become second nature. I always tell people "I’m a professional follower".

The most important thing you should expect from your first couple privates is developing a solid basic step and right and left turn. Keep in mind that the dance is simply a walk - no bouncing, or hops on one foot or the other. It’s a simple "walk, walk, walk….. walk, walk, walk". 1,2,3…. 5.6.7…. or, if you were dancing on "2", it would be 2,3,4, …. 6,7,8. Don’t bob up and down or swing your arms around. Don’t leave your arms hanging down straight at your side. Just walk to the rhythm, and keep your arms bent in front of you in a jogger’s position. Don’t make this dance any more difficult than it already is. In fact, the less you try, the better you look. Relax, have fun, feel the rhythm enter your body, and enjoy it.

Warning. Because you are taking lessons from a male instructor, do not, I repeat, DO NOT expect every guy out there to be as good as your instructor. Do not expect your instructor to dance with you at clubs either. Do not get spoiled by your instructor and develop an "attitude" of only dancing with the best dancers. Do not openly compare your instructor(s) with other instructors at a club. Do not just stick with one instructor. Take privates from many different instructors, both male and female. Lastly, dance with EVERYONE - not just "the best" dancers. This is the only way you’ll learn to develop your style, and still have a blast, even if none of the great Salseros show up one evening. Good luck to you.

LEARNING SALSA FROM THE BEGINNING: A MALE PERSPECTIVE
By Russel Longo rlong1@home.com

Let me preface what I’m writing here by saying that I am not the greatest salsa dancer in the world, and never will be (even among the greatest of dancers that’s a disputed title I suppose). No, I’m part of the large crowd of folks who’ve fallen in love with salsa music and all that it serves to the human spirit. The following discussion assumes that you are a member of this lively group as well.

My first experience with Salsa dancing was strictly as a spectator only. I was completely taken in by the music and dance; it left a lasting impression to be sure. Judging by the number of men taking classes ( in the last three group classes I’ve taken, the men outnumbered the women 2 to 1) it’s impacted your life as well. I did grab a friend of mine to teach me the basic step; that was all she knew actually. But it was enough. So I decided, like many of the you fellows, to test the waters with a group class - what an ego deflator! Many of the women in the class looked and felt like they had been dancing this for years, and some even seemed annoyed by my lack of skill in leading them. Even worse, I was flanked by guys who looked like they already knew what they were doing.

It’s easy to get excited about a new interest, but the reality of learning the new skills can be hard to swallow. Realizing it takes more than one lesson to be a good Salsero, I had a decision to make. Do I really want to invest the time, and ego bruising, to learn this well? All right, it took 2 seconds for me to answer that question, but the thought of quitting did streak across my mind. This is the pivotal moment for a novice in any field. The ones that forge ahead get results, the others get discouraged and fall away. Don’t be part of the second group!

Private lessons proved to be crucial in breaking through the first confidence barrier. I strongly recommend at least two or three privates in the beginning if you want to accelerate your learning. I ended up taking a dozen or so of these before visiting a group lesson again. Big difference. You’ll definitely be more relaxed and focused coming back from private instruction from a good teacher. New steps come to you faster, you retain more, and you start to develop a feel for how to move a women around your frame. I still have a long way to go, I’m a perfectionist by nature, but taking enough classes provides a clear path for your future progress.

PROGRESSING FROM THE BEGINNING

As in anything, there are Great Salsa dancers and there are Good salsa dancers. Great dancers can command the floor anywhere, and few reach this level. However, even good dancers can be impressive to the casual spectator; this is a fact that should make the beginning practitioner of salsa very happy. Why, you ask? Because I believe that becoming a good dancer, salsa included, is a VERY realistic goal for 98% of the general population. It means that with good teaching, some mental focus, and practice, one can attain a level of dancing that’s fun to participate in and fun to those watching.

Its the effort of moving from, let’s face it, a poor partner dancer to a good one that sidelines most who quit. As I’ve stated in my salsa story, a confident and strong lead becomes a must for the man. A good male lead can often improve the appearance of an average female; the reverse is less common however. I’ve heard several good teachers say that this puts the male dancer several months behind the female at the very beginning (I’m assuming a man who has had no prior partner training at all, salsa or otherwise). This is unsettling for the beginner who goes to his first group lesson and finds the women kicking his tail around the floor with the intermediate movements! Just a friendly warning.

That’s the bad news. Now for some good news. It usually takes just a few lessons, private preferred, before a man gains enough experience to attain a beginning feel for leading a partner. At this point you are way ahead of the man who never partner dances, and never takes a chance to try. A few weeks of practicing and you could probably lead a female dancer quite well. Nothing impressive just yet, but enough to really start to enjoy the salsa sounds . A worthwhile beginning goal I believe. Which leads us into the next topic.

GOALS

What do you expect from your dance experience? How good a dancer do you want to be? Are there dancers that inspire you ( if so, talk to them. If they’re friendly, they might give you some valuable advice and instruction)? How much time are you willing to invest to make your dancing better?

Someone once told me there are two types of dancers: those that dance for how it makes them feel, and those who dance because they like to perform around others. The first type likes to dance for what it brings to themselves and their partner, while the second type is just as concerned with how others view their dancing. Of course, in the real world no one is solely one type or the other. But even still, be true to your own personality. If you want glitz and flash, then find instructors who add this to what they teach. If you’re more conservative( is there such as thing as a conservative salsa dancer?), find an instructor that better suites this perspective in their teaching style. The goal here is to build a realistic mental image of what you want to become with your dancing.

Finally, determine what amount of time you can and will invest to learn salsa. Forget people who brag that they are naturals. ALL GOOD DANCERS PRACTICE. They practice with their partners, with other partners, by themselves, and at different clubs and venues. This is exactly what makes them so good. So taking the time to practice is a must if you are going to improve.

How much time you spend depends on how quickly you want to learn. Some dancers spend several hours practicing for every hour of instruction they receive. At this rate, it won’t take but a few months before you’re in an intermediate group class leading the women quite nicely. I wouldn’t take less than one group lesson per week for the first two months to attain this, and at least two or three privates to tighten things up. If you can’t manage this kind of time investment, do what you can, but set the time goal nonetheless.

THE PARTNER

Find a regular one! That’s the best advice I can give. It’s unsettling at times to come back from a lesson, excited about the dancing you’ve done, and find yourself practicing with coat racks and upright lamp fixtures. You need a female to make the mistakes along with you, challenge your lead, tell you when you’re applying to much pressure, compliment you when your "doing it right", and learn along side you. If she can accompany you to the lessons, even better. Else, at least find the time to practice with her.

The partner doesn’t have to be a significant other. Although girlfriends and wives are natural choices, some of us single unattached fellows have to consider other options. Sisters are good choices if you have one, as long as you don’t become abusive with each another. Family can be that way. Else, there are always female friends; if you’re shy about this, get over it! You’re going to have to ask women at the clubs to dance, so you might as well start with the women you do know. If all else fails, well, you always have those women you meet at lesson time. Ask them if they’d like to practice before or after the lesson for a few minutes. It’s actually easier than at a club because they’re obviously there to learn just like you.

CONFIDENCE

A brief word on confidence. Your confidence grows with your experience and skill. The first time I visited the Mayan you couldn’t get me to ask a woman to dance; I was not comfortable with my ability to dance Salsa well. So I had to wait for the high energy, top 40 "intermission". After I had the opportunity to practice and dance with enough partners, the apprehension goes away. There’s a saying in the military- you don’t rise to the occasion, you always default to the level of your training. In other words, you’re only as good as the practice you bring to the dance floor already. So, once again, practice what you’ve learned. Sorry to beat a dead horse.

FINAL NOTE

Let’s face it guys, women don’t take the time to dress to impress and go to clubs just to be lead by novices. I know this isn’t always fair to the men, considering the time it takes to develop leading skills, but that’s the breaks. It isn’t easy on the women either to sit around waiting for confident male dancers to ask them to dance either. This isn’t anything new to dancing. The male Tango dancers of the early twentieth century would dance for hours upon hours with each other before attending the clubs to dance with the women. I’ve been to events with other ballroom style dancing and observed the same phenomenon. Why should Salsa dancing be any different? I’m know I’m in way near where I’d like to be, but learning and growing is part of the fun. So don’t get discouraged, put the time in, and reap the benefits!

"Dear Edie,
I am new to Salsa and took three private classes when on vacation in [country], last month. Now that I'm back home here in the (USA) I can't find private instructors outside of (city) area. I called the studios and most want to suck me into their world of group classes etc / contracts, but I work evenings and can't really participate to a large degree in these packages.

So, question is, can you recommend private instructors in (city) area? Also about how much do these classes run? I figure after taking half-dozen more private classes, I'll try going to some of the clubs. Any clubs you care to recommend up here in (city) would also be appreciated.

My goal is to learn enough to participate confindently in the club scene and when I take occassional trips to Latin America; but not really interested in competition or being a "bad ass" dancer.

Thanks much, and I really feel like my eyes have been opened to something new and fun.
- World Traveler

Dear World Traveler,
Unfortunately, I don't know of any instructors in your area. If you want to get awesome, don't call the dance studios. Hang out at the clubs, find the best guy, pay him to teach you. That's it, bottom line.

Because I don't know your city, you'll need to check out my page on How to Find Clubs Out of Town first, then ask at the clubs you go to, who is the best "street dancer" in the city. Go up to him and ask him for a private or two. That's what I did. Forget about the classes if you want to get good FAST. Private instructors will charge anywhere from $25 per hour to $80 per hour. Averaging about $40 and $50 per hour. Trust me, when you've found the right instructor, it's worth every dime. Very worth it.

"Dear Edie,
I'm really glad you have decided to do a beginners page. I think it will be very helpful to us all.

I have come to the point where I feel I need to start taking some private lessons, and want your advice on how to proceed.

I have thought about my goals, and at this point, I want to: (1) clean up my basics; (2) learn all the "moves" that are thrown at me on the dance floor; (3) learn styling techniques; (4) expand my repertoire of potential partners. I don't think that I will ever be dance competition material, so learning ballroom technique is not a high priority to me.

There are two issues that I was hoping you could advise me on. First, I am considering whether I should take from a male instructor or a woman. My first inclination is to take from a woman. I believe [she] will help me with the basics and styling. [female Instructor #1 and #2] are articulate and good, but seem to have different styles. [Female Instructor #1's] lessons are kind of expensive, but going all the way down to [female Instructor #2's] studio is a drawback as well.

Two of my friends have suggested that I take from a [male Instructor] who knows the moves, will teach me moves he teaches his male students, and also provide an instant entry into the upper echelons of the Salsa scene. I don't know if I am ready for this however- I am a bit intimidated, and also, in the group classes I have taken with this man, I don't get the sense that he is as articulate as the women I mentioned.

It would be helpful to know your opinion on the male vs. female instructor issue.

Second, I was wondering if there is some kind of unwritten rule about changing instructors once you start privates with one. I had thought about taking a couple lessons from several different people in order to decide whose style works best for me. But I know that sometimes hard feelings can develop if you try to change instructors, and I don't want to create friction with anyone. What do you think?
- Almost There..."

Dear Almost There,
If you are female beginner, taking privates from a man is excellent. But, if you are a female, at the intermediate and advanced levels, I would highly recommend taking privates from a woman. The opposite will hold true if you were a male asking this question.

As a female, if you have not taken any privates yet, try both sexes. Take your first private from a man, to get the feeling of a good lead. You may have NEVER experienced a phenomenal lead, but oh, when you do, it's like you've just had incredible sex.

Your second and third privates should be with a woman. As a woman, taking a private from a woman enables you to see and feel what it's like to actually be sexy. Believe it or not, for some of us, this is a very difficult, life-changing, brand new, experience.

Taking a lesson from a woman who is sexy, and knows how to show it dancing is truly eye-opening. You'll learn a great deal about yourself - your inhibitions, your fears... you realize there is so much more about you, within you, that has been deeply clammed up inside and is yearning to GET OUT!.

When I started my privates with females, posing, sticking my butt out, placing my hand gently on my hip "just so", touching parts of my body... at first, I just shook my head, and could not believe I was actually doing this to myself. But an amazing thing happened when I did. I ACTUALLY looked SEXY! I couldn't believe it. I thought to myself, "What a CONCEPT!" I would never, in a million years, have even THOUGHT about doing this alone in the bathroom! The thought would have never even crossed my mind if my instructor would not have shown me how!

What man could possibly teach women how to be sexy?

The only type of man who would be able to demonstrate this sex appeal is a female impersonator or cross-dresser. They know every trick in the book.  Here is an article on how to walk gracefully from a female impersonator's site. Amazingly enough, these men actually STUDY the Marilyn Monroe's of year's past. They work on moving, walking, sitting, and dressing like the female movie stars of the 40's and 50's. They work on presentation, grace, style, and beauty. They study fabrics, shoes, underwear, hair, nails, hip movement... every last detail. They go above and beyond. They are experts at female sex appeal. In fact, if you see a woman walk in the room, and then see a female impersonator walk in behind her, the female impersonator will actually look and walk sexier than the real woman.

As women in this day and age, we can learn a great deal from them. In my own opinion, the majority of women today have forgotten how to be sexy like that. We've lost it. With the advent of "women's rights" and the feminist movement, we've basically stuck our sex appeal in the closet. Female Salsa instructors will bring this out for you.

As a woman, you're going to feel real stupid and awkward at first, trying to move your hips and throw your head back, and doing the hand flares... all that. You'll even be surprised at how much you actually touch your body during the whole scene! It can be quite amusing between the two of you! You'll laugh, and basically feel and look like an idiot the first couple of times, but this is where you'll have to swallow your pride and just DO IT.

When you take a lesson with a man, he will show you what he likes as far as how to "follow" his lead, and maybe a little footwork. However, be aware that you will inadvertently get "used" to him and his style and end up being disappointed with virtually every other man you dance with. Nobody will be able to compare to him in your eyes. You will feel let down and upset if he doesn't dance at least one song with you when you see him at a nightclub. But the truth is, that he has many, many female students, and does not necessarily want to dance with them when he's out clubbing. He needs to "show off" with his partner or whomever is "good" so he can continue to get more business.

As a woman, it takes a female mentor, more importantly, a female dancer/performer to show us what pleases the audience - whether "the audience" is a large group of spectators, or a single man. The opposite holds true for a man needing instruction. We want to look sexy and appealing on the dance floor, but some of us just don't know how, and when we try, we basically look like idiots without the proper training and timing.

I'm more guilty of this than anyone.

When I first started my privates with females, I was so excited about all these fancy new "things", that I wanted to do all of them AT ONCE!! So I tried them on the dance floor at a nightclub. Within five seconds, I had done 10 sexy things to my body. I would shimmy here, jiggle there, touch this, touch that... , I realized I was in OVERDRIVE when the guy I was dancing with stopped in mid motion, stared at me in complete amazement, looked at me like I was some sort of alien, wondering just what the hell I was doing to myself..."Loca" he must have thought... I realized I looked SO STUPID! I mean, talk about OVERKILL.

He refused to dance with me anymore.

So when you start learning all this stuff, STAY CALM!!! I know it's a thrill, but RELAX!!! CHILL!!!

About "providing an instant entry into the upper echelons of the Salsa scene". Girlfriend, this is an "earned" thing. It just "happens", and it only happens to the best. Usually this happens to professional dancers who have had years and years of ballet, jazz, and ballroom training, or naturals - born dancers like the famous Vazquez brothers. You have GOT to be good.

Regarding your question about the "unwritten rule about changing instructors once you start privates with one". If you want to get good, take privates from EVERYONE you can afford. The best instructors encourage this. They don't mind. However, in the class, never, never, NEVER, say, "Well so and so taught me this..", or "so and so taught me that..." bla, bla, bla. There is nothing that pisses off an instructor more. If you continue to talk about "so and so" the whole time, they will stop the lesson, and ask if you want to go back to "so and so", in a "don't let the door hit you in the ass" fashion. Just shut up, listen, and show respect to your instructor.

Nobody needs to know anything about anyone else. (this, by the way, is THE #1 unwritten Latino rule about EVERYTHING IN LIFE...

Beginner Class Attitude and Ettiquite...

"Dear Edie,
I enjoyed the series of letters about the "beginner man" on the club scene. I wanted to add a comment about a few issues that I believe need to be addressed on this subject not only on the club scene but also in the dance class setting.

Let me preface by saying that I am a beginner female with some previous dance experience. I have been taking beginning classes for several months, and plan to take them for several more. After several weeks of class, I was bitten by the "salsa bug" and now in addition to classes 2-3 times a week, I go to clubs several nights a week, and take the (intermediate) classes beforehand. Most importantly, I am very fortunate to have a more advanced female friend who has been my "introduction" to the salsa scene, and have been able to dance regularly with men who are much better than I am. Overall, I think that my experience is fairly typical of that of the "beginning female."

I strongly believe it is of paramount importance that both men and women take beginning classes (often longer than they think they need to) in order to learn and develop good basics. However, I have encountered some problems in class with "beginners with attitude" that make the experience and the learning process much less enjoyable.

I understand that at the beginning, learning salsa is equivalent to "ego castration" of the male. Leading and following are different skills and therefore the learning process is different as well. In general, men are very much on their own developing their lead, and the biggest obstacles on the learning curve are at the beginning. In contrast, women learn a lot at the beginning from dancing with more advanced men (assuming the woman has the basics down), and can generally get up to a moderately high level faster then the men can. Once a woman has reached that level, her hard work on being a good follower begins.

Dance class should provide a comfortable setting in which both men and women can hone their basics regardless of their skill level. Most of the people in class are nice and fun, and I've made some good friends, however there is a small percentage of men out there who can benefit from a few tips.

The following is a list of five things that I believe will make classes more valuable and enjoyable for us all:

(1) Please do not try practicing the step while the instructor is talking or demonstrating the step.

There is a lot to be gained from watching and listening rather than immediately trying the step, and if you are lucky enough to get through the beginning easy part, you WILL mess up on the hard part if you don't watch and listen. Also, a good instructor will walk you through it and give you plenty of time to practice- watching the demonstration one more time will not kill you.

(2) Please do not try to "correct" my dancing while the instructor is talking or demonstrating the step.

This is related to the previous tip. If you are talking to me, I cannot hear and watch the instructor. Believe it or not, I can follow
well enough to slop through a step, but I am in the beginner class to concentrate on footwork, weight shifts, etc.- I want to really LEARN the basics and improve. I need to watch the instructor to learn these things.

(3) If I am doing something wrong, please correct me diplomatically.

It kills me when I rotate to a new partner, and after taking two steps he stops me and says "you need to do X" or "you're doing it wrong" and gives me THAT LOOK like I am stupid and terrible and he can't finish the step unless I have 100 more classes. Remember that you have zero credibility if my previous 2-3 partners in the rotation have been dancing up a storm with me and said I've got it down. Rather then immediately assuming it is my fault, take a moment to consider if there may be a problem with your lead before shooting off at the mouth.

If the woman is making a mistake, remember that there is a way to tell someone that they are doing something wrong. In general, I prefer a man to say "I think maybe we should try it X way" or "can I suggest in general that maybe you try Y." Also, always give constructive criticism with a smile. Incidentally, I try to avoid giving criticism to partners in class (although sometimes I nearly have to bite my tongue to avoid it) unless we break the step down together or it's someone I know. If it's absolutely necessary, I try to temper it with a compliment about something else the person does well.

(4) Don't act condescendingly nice when I do get something right.

This is more of an intermediate class beef. Maybe it is shocking to my partners when I get something right, but not to me. I hate it when I get that surprised look, especially from the intermediates who knew me when I didn't know the basic step or other beginners who assume that just because they take class once a week, everyone does. I recommend smiling nonchalantly and at the end of the rotation say, "that's good, you've got it."

(5) Just act normal and polite.

Salsa is a social dance, and I like dancing with men who act like they are having a good time dancing with me. Make eye contact with me (especially since right now I am practicing spotting turns), smile, and act polite. In class I am willing to try new steps or just dance if:

(a) I have got the specific step we are learning down and
(b) we are supposed to be dancing rather than listening or watching.

I'm sure there are plenty of men who upon reading this would have criticism about beginning women with attitude, beginning women who try to lead, etc. I know that we are all learning out there, and we are bound to make mistakes on attitudes and etiquette. My observations about the men of salsa have lead me to seriously examine my own behavior and performance. I know for me, in future classes I am hoping to work harder to develop that all-important feeling of partnership which is at the heart of salsa.
-- Not There Yet But Learning"

Dear Not There Yet But Learning,

Wow.

Wanna write for SalsaWeb?

"Dear Edie
My Salsa-spirit is taking a down-turn. I am finally getting the nerve to ask women to dance at the clubs but they all say no. I have never danced at this club, so it can't be the way I dance. I always shower/shave/brush before I go out, and I dress nice. I am polite and just ask "would you like to dance". Then they say no thank you. After three no thank you's I lose my nerve and self-confidence. This is only really a problem at one particular club, but it is where the best dancers are. I would just chalk it up to my lack of dance experience, except none of them have ever seen me dance.

I am practicing every day, but I have no partner, so leading is my weak point. I think I am too afraid of throwing the girl around, so I am not strong enough. But I can't know without trying. I am doing great at the group lessons. I have the rhythm. I love the music. I love the dance. No one will give me a shot at the real-clubs. :( (as opposed to the 'beginner's night' group lesson I mentioned)

Is it because I am not Latin, that they assume I must suck and so say no? Is there some sort of clique? I don't smoke/drink so it can't be my breath. I am a good looking guy, in my opinion. I dress well, again in my opinion. What am I doing wrong? For all they know about me, I could be the best dancer in the world! Is it because I am showing up alone? Do they assume I am some sort of loser?

Please help! I am addicted but can't get my fix!
- Frustrated Salsa Addict

Dear Frustrated,
Hang in there. Find one woman who is willing to dance with you - she doesn't have to be GREAT, but find one, and practice during the evening with her. It may also help to take a private from one of the "male greats" in your city. Ask THEM what it takes, and they may even introduce you to women they KNOW will dance with you. (Luis does this with me all the time...)

Try it. Don't worry. Every guy goes through this. Just play the numbers game. Keep asking. When the women see that you're dancing is getting better and better, they will say "no" less and less. I used to get rejected CONSTANTLY. Remember my story? I just kept taking privates and kept taking privates, and danced with my instructor, until I KNEW I could do it, and ask with confidence.

That may be another personality problem you have. Are you asking with confidence? When you approach a woman, do you ask her politely to dance, or do you just look into her eyes, smile, and extend your hand, KNOWING she'll want to dance with you? (the latter is sexier and works 90% of the time - especially when you play the male domineering type - women LOVE that!)

EXPECT that she'll say yes. Speak it into existence. Make it happen, and it will work. Expect it. Never 2nd guess yourself. Convince yourself in your mind that you are the greatest, the "baddest" dancer of all time, and believe it or not, your energy will exude throughout the room. Funny how it works that way. Never, never, never feel you're not "good enough". Others can feel what you feel, so NEVER feel it.

You're the best, and that's it. Period.

Go in with that attitude this weekend. Then tell me how it went.

"Dear Edie,
I need some advice. I am at what I consider the practice level. I go to a club to learn and have fun. I have no problem asking women of the same attitude to dance with me. But when I go to a club and everyone is at the "show off and have fun" level, I get real shy. You may have noticed when we went dancing, I watched rather than participated.

How do women who are really good respond to dancing with someone who isn't? First impressions really count, and I don't want the good dancers thinking I suck because then they won't dance with me in the future, when I will be (hopefully) good.

I realize that everyone responds differently, and that some will be helpful and some will be rude, but in general what do you see happening to new males in the clubs who try to dance with the very skilled women?
- Practice Level Beginner

Dear Practice Level Beginner,
You know, as well as I do, that the ONLY way you're going to be good at ANYTHING in life is simply by diving in, head first, and DOING IT!!! Sure, you will fall on your face a couple of times, but pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and start over! Most women will not think anything less of a man who is really trying. Those that do, well my friend, revenge is sweet, once you become AWESOME, and they're DYING to dance with you, but you remember how they treated you when you were starting...so you just leave them.... standing there... drooling...

As far as answering your question about "new males in the clubs who try to dance with the very skilled women", I don't see it very often... but when I do, it's sometimes sad, because the woman is being such a snob and has a long face during the whole song. I hate seeing that. Not every woman is that way however. Some women try to help the beginner during the dance. I'll even see some women stop and pull the guy to the edge of the floor or back of the room, and start practicing basics with them. This is rare, but it does happen.

What you need to do is find at least two to three beginners as well, and practice all night with them. Then, every 5th song, dance with a real good dancer. Tell her up front you're just learning, and you need to feel what it's like to dance with an excellent dancer such as herself. You will not only flatter her, but you will also get to feel what it's like to lead like a pro. These women turn like butter, and spin like a top.... You barely even need to touch them - or lift your arm for a turn, and they instinctively know where you want them. These gals are good...set your goal my friend...

Just keep going out, as often as you can 4,5,6 days a week, and within a month or so, you will become one of the best dancers in the city. I've seen men skyrocket once they're addicted. In fact, I purposely go out of my way to encourage a beginner to take more lessons or a private with the instructor. I will help him with his turns, or whatever he needs help with, because frankly I get sick and tired of always dancing with the same guys every week! We need some new Salsero blood on that floor! New generations of men! HOW WONDERFUL! I get all hot and bothered just thinking about it! Whew! Gotta go take a cold shower.....!

You can reaad about how I started in my story here on SalsaWeb... It talks about how I started...stumbling, falling, my embarrassments... everything! It's kind of like you're at, right now.

Answer from a female salsera - with a different perspective...

I just read the new letter at your Beginner's Corner from the guy who's a beginner and wants to dance with women above his skill level. Let me add a different perspective into the mix:

I agree that the more advanced dancers have a "duty" of sorts to spend a portion of the evening dancing with beginners. People did that for me, especially Errol, and for that I am truly grateful. So now I do the same. BUT, there's an issue involved here that you left out of your response to the letter:

Some beginner guys don't know their limits. They see the advanced people doing all kinds of cool moves and they think, "how hard can it
be? I'll just experiment on this woman righ here. Lesson? Who needs a lesson! Dips are self-explanatory.... oops, I just dropped her on her head.... uh oh, her head is gushing blood where I smacked her into that table.... oh well, I'll just sit her down and grab another girl!"

Please don't go dipping women when you haven't been trained to do it right. And please don't try to send me into a series of continuous turns without looking around to see where there's an obstruction-free path. And don't forcefully throw me out into another couple and then
sheepishly say, "oops", leaving me to apologize to them.

I don't mean to mischaracterize genuine enthusiasm for dance- I really think that some of these guys just don't give a shit b/c they're so egotistically intent on showing off skills that they don't yet have. As a side note, I think it's interesting that some beginner guys complain that the more advanced ladies snub them be declining invitations to dance. Well, I've seen these same guys turn around and snub a beginner lady.

Further, I personally will dance with just about anyone once, especially at the beginning of the evening. But often you give a guy an inch and he tries to take a mile. A guy asks me to dance- he's a beginner- and I work hard to make it all look good. So he, thinking he's suddenly become some kind of dancing stud, now wants to dance every song with ME for the rest of the night. To insure this, he stakes out a spot at my table, uninvited, and harrasses a few more dances out of me until I finally signal to one of my male friends to make this guy bug off. I don't want to have to do that. It makes me feel bad.

I apologize for the seemingly harsh tone of this letter, but having been embarrassed, harassed, almost seriously injured by beginner guys, I feel these issues need to be mentioned. It'll make the world a better place. And I'll be much more likely to dance with a beginner guy in the future, having now aired these issues.

"Dear Edie,
What do you think about the following? Most guys that are taking the Salsa class with me don't feel comfortable (or confident) to ask "good" dancers to dance with them because if a guy makes (a) mistake(s) the good dancer won't dance with them again. I think we are perhaps intermediate dancers, but to become good ones we have to dance with the good dancers, but it is like a catch 20/20? I now that you can take private lessons (which I am seriously considering). Do you have any other suggestions? I try to practice whenever I can and have fun at the same time with my female classmates.
- Scared Spitless

Dear Scared Spitless,
If you feel strongly this way, then my suggestion to you is to take as many private lessons as you can until you feel confident enough and comfortable enough to ask a good dancer to dance.

These gals will not mind. Everybody screws up on occasion. Just don't make it a habit...

"Dear Edie,
I got Josie's tapes the other day and watched them both non stop. They are excellent. Some of the steps I haven't seen before. I spoke to [my friend] after seeing them and asked what was different about LA style and he said that you dance on 2. Is this true? and if it is why does Josie teach it on 1. We dance on 1 here although I have seen and many times myself switch to 3, depending on the previous manouver (1,2, or 3 lady turns). Do you do this also? Is it correct? I am going to practice all these steps in the next few weeks and I might have some questions for you. Do you think you can help me? The reason I'm asking is because I think timing is one of the most important things. I see so many people off time and wonder what they are dancing to. What do you think? Maybe we can start a discussion about all the fine points to dancing Salsa on your website... I haven't seen any of that so far. It would help me and many other people, I think.
- Mr. Rhythm

Dear Mr. Rhythm
First of all, your friend is wrong. Most of the Salsa dancers in in Los Angeles are taught to dance on the "1". I can dance on the "2", and I know of only a handful of others that can as well. But 99.9% of us dance on the "1". I'll switch to the "3" if the guy I'm dancing with switches to the "3". Timing is VERY important, but there are occasions where switching is fine - as long as you know what you are doing (and your partner too), you can do this. However, I DO NOT recommend it unless you are dancing with someone who has:

A) Practiced with you
B) Is your partner
C) Hasn't got a clue about rhythm to begin with.

I'll be discussing the fine points to dancing Salsa when you send me your story on it! Will you write a paragraph or two on it? I'll use it as a Top Story or Tip of the week, or just part of a "hints" column - depending on how it turns out. Let me know!

"Dear Edie,  
I saw something I found humorous the other day at a club. There was this guy showing off for a group of female beginners (he was spinning one of them and doing some nice steps as they ooohed and aahhed). He had the steps right and he managed to get the women through the steps, but he had no cuban motion and no style, it was like mass-produced dance, no soul. Even I could tell that this guy was missing something very big. I later found out he was a student-turned-instructor. How could a dance instructor unleash this horror on unsuspecting students? I want to find out who was responsible for his teaching so I could avoid their lessons like the plague. At least my teacher tries to teach me the soul of the dance, not just the steps.
- Concerned Observer...

Dear Concerned Observer,
You have an excellent point. No, teachers are NOT SUPPOSED to appear rushed during your lesson. As far as I can see, she is ripping you off - especially if she does that every time.

I'm glad you recognized this in the instructor, and lack of soul in the student. We need to somehow let people know that Salsa is not about just doing the moves, but about feeling the rhythm, and listening to the pulse of the music. It's not easy for some people. Some people never get it. Just you worry about you, and when you become awesome, they'll still be right where they're at, and people will see right through them, just like you did.

"Dear Edie,
Hi! Nice web page. I am brand new to the Salsa scene. I have just started taking lessons. Should I go to the clubs and try out what I know so far, or will I get eaten alive? I barely have my Cuban motion down, and I don't have a partner. My friend said that there would be many women willing to teach me, but I just don't believe him. I have had one private lesson. Thanks in advance!
- A Budding Salsa Freak"

Dear Bud,
Continue with your private lessons. If the teacher is good, you should take at least six or seven more. However, during your "privates" period, you should go to the clubs, and just jump in, head first. That's the only way you're going to truly learn, and more importantly, it will stimulate you to WANT to learn about 100 times faster than if you just took classes. It doesn't matter if you don't have a partner. Partners are for competing purposes or fancy tricks. I didn't find mine till a year after I started going to the clubs. Your friend is right. I've helped hundreds of men "get that Cuban thing goin' on". What a great way to meet women, and make great friends in the process! Don't ever be shy.

Another word of advice: While you're at the clubs, don't ask a girl "Will you teach me?". Just ask if she wouldn't mind showing you a couple turns that you saw her do. But DON'T say, "Will you teach me?" at the club. Most women are there to dance, and have a good time. Not teach male beginners. Number one, 90% of them don't know how to lead, and secondly, they haven't a clue as to what the guy is supposed to do.

Three exceptions to this rule are:

1. They're teachers themselves
2. They are like me, and feel for beginners, so they take time out to help whenever they can (a rarity).
3. They think you're cute.

But don't say "Will you teach me?" at the club!!!! This drives women crazy!!! I have men ask me that all the time and I don't know why, but I just can't stand that phrase!!!

This turns many good female dancers off. A lot of women will be rude and answer "Try taking a lesson". Try as often as you can to dance with the best women dancers. They are easier to control, and follow much better than a beginning female - of which you may get frustrated. Besides, good female dancers ALWAYS make the man look good.

Try not to find a single partner yet. Get good first, by becoming a smooth, subtle, yet solid leader. Dance with as many women as you can fit into one evening. This will make you a great dancer. Reason? You and your partner will get "locked in" to what each other is doing, get used to each other, then when you want to dance with someone else, they will not be as "easy" to maneuver, they'll feel like they can't dance that well, and you won't lead them correctly. Watch good male dancers. They don't turn the women all the time. They don't do a whole lot of fancy stuff either. They just lead well, and most importantly, they have fun!

This reminds me of a story that I want to share with you. I was at a club when I was just learning. I danced with many men that night, and remembered in particular dancing with a guy that I thought was terrible and could not lead. It showed in my face that he was bad, and I swore I wouldn't want to dance with him again. A couple of hours later, I saw my friend Janette (a professional jazz/Salsa dancer) dancing to a song with a guy that was absolutely incredible. He showed her off, turned her beautifully, dipped her, spun her, styled with her......all that. I thought to myself, "Holy Smokes! That guy is awesome! I'd like to ask him to dance." When I got closer to them after the song, I REALIZED IT WAS THE SAME GUY I THOUGHT SUCKED EARLIER.

That was a big lesson for me. Just because a woman has a hard time with a man, doesn't mean you should have a terrible time dancing that song. Do the best with what you have. Make her look good. Make him look good. You've got to bloom where you're planted!!

"Dear Edie,  
 Edie, you seem to have a good handle on the various dynamics of the scene.  If you're interested in hearing my little issue, please read  on: 
 Saturday at the Mayan, this guy comes up to me and my friends. I've  seen  him before b/c he's new to our dance class (Salsa).  My only thought  in  class was that he seems to have taken this "leading" thing to heart.  He  overleads.  FYI he's latino and pretty decent-looking and he seems  to  have a huge ego. Further FYI I've been taking lessons for some  time.  I  may not be the greatest but I keep up just fine with the regulars at  the  sportsman's/ashgrove/etc and I go dancing A LOT. 

  Anyhow, he says let's dance so I go with him onto the dance floor.  He  bursts into this Saturday Night Fever routine, completely oblivious  to  the fact that the music has a beat and one ought to be on it. Then  he  proceeds to grab me real hard and fling me around like a ragdoll.  For  example, to have me do a right turn, rather than simply raising his  arm  and me turning under it on my own accord, he would raise his arm and   with his other hand he would grab me and shove me under his arm.  He  was  pushing and shoving and pulling me- I couldn't keep my balance and I  had  no control over my body. It was horrible. So as soon as his death  grip  released from my arm so he could do a set of (ridiculous) solo  turns, I  bolted. 

Normally I wouldn't do that to a guy- leave him stranded just  because I  don't like dancing with him, but this was an extreme circumstance.   So this guy follows me through the crowd and demands, "What's the  matter!"   I told him in a fairly mellow way, all things considered, "Look, you   can't throw me around the floor like a ragdoll.  I don't want to  have  bruises from dancing with you." 

Then he says to me: "You need to learn to pick up the pace.  You  need to  learn to dance."  And with a facetious flourishing bow he says, "Lo  siento mucho, lo siento mucho"  I assume he assumed I didn't speak  spanish. 

Can you believe that?  Is this normal?  I mean, this guy is a  beginner  Salsa student and he has the most conceit imaginable.  What really  bites  is that he's in my class, and I don't want to have to dance with him   again-ever.   Your thoughts? 
- Ragdoll" 

Dear Ragdoll, 
Girlfriend, can I feel for YOU!!  Oh my God.  I've also run into this type of guy.  OK, this is what I would do if I were you.  Number one, if you're going to have to see him again in class and much worse at a nightclub, I suggest you do the following.  

1.  If you see him at a club, and I am there too:  
Point him out to me, and I'll ask him to dance.  After we get done, you can be sure I'll take him downstairs or somewhere where there's no people around and give him a few gentle pointers of how to handle a delicate partner.  After our little lesson, I'll keep dancing song after song with him until he gets the point.  I promise you he'll be a changed man when I'm through with him.  Don't worry, I'll be gentle. 

2.  If you see him in a club, and I'm not around. 
For now, avoid him at all costs.  Tell one of your best girlfriends to dance with him and have her tell him to mellow-out as well.  Then, when she's done, have another gal do the same thing.  Then another.  Truth in numbers works.  Eventually he'll get the point.  

3.  If you see him at class. 
Talk to the instructor before class about him.   Tell he/she EXACTLY what happened and how you felt.  Keep in mind that all students are a reflection of their teachers.  So if this guy is dancing badly, it makes the teacher look bad.  Teachers are RESPONSIBLE for making sure their students leave the lesson dancing correctly - even if it's just the basic step and a simple turn. 

 The most important thing is that this guy you're talking about gets better, and even possibly through you (now don't fall off your chair...).  All guys in the beginning have trouble (girls too!).  Can you imagine their responsibilities?  They have to lead correctly, play traffic cop, follow the beat, and try to keep you interested with new and different moves!  I've been told from men, that there is nothing more wonderful than a woman helping a beginner out with patience, kindness, and sincerity.  That's why, when I help an instructor teach a class, I pay special attention to the guys like you mentioned above.  I break down every step, every hand movement, every beat.  I'll even do it in a nightclub. However, I WILL NOT do it on the dance floor.  I'll pull them to the side, or a dark corner or downstairs, and help them out in private - NOT IN FRONT OF ANYONE.  This will KILL a guy's ego like you would not believe.  Be quiet, calm, and very, very, patient.  It will DEFINITELY pay off in the end. 

Who knows?  If you're patient enough, and he's got the Salsa fever badly enough, he may eventually become one of the greatest dancers at the Mayan - you never, never know.  (a VERY similar thing happened with Luis Vazquez when he was just learning...Now look at him.  Now, no one can TOUCH his style, rythm, and power on the dance floor)  Wouldn't it be terrible if this guy became a phenominal dancer like Luis, then refused to ever dance with certain women because of the way he was treated by them in the beginning? 

I know it may be hard, but it's just a decision away for both him, and  you... 

"Dear Edie,  
I've been thoroughly enjoying your website and find your sincere writing style very refreshing. Can you give me some advice for learning Salsa?  Before two months ago, I never danced a step in my life. I started out with privates, learning the basics of various ballroom styles plus some east coast swing. I'm finding that I enjoy the latin dances the most, and Salsa seems to be the most practical because there are so many clubs. However I don't really want to emphasize just one dance...I'd like to get good at the cha cha, rumba, and foxtrot as well (foxtrot because of my love for jazz). I've had about 5 group Salsa lessons so far.   Soooo....my question is...should I try to get good at Salsa first, through privates, then learn the other dances, or learn everything at once? I was thinking that maybe if I learned one dance really well, the others would fall into place that much easier. Is this true? But then I wouldn't want to wait a long time before I learn the other stuff.   Also....I recall you mentioned you would give your unbiased opinion of several instructors. Who do you think would be good for my situation?" 
- Wanna know it all... 

Dear "Wanna know it all" 
[because you live near LA] If you want a great overall ballroom/Salsa dance teacher for YOUR particular situation, contact Josie Neglia at (562) 491-1009.  She's danced competitive Latin Ballroom, and is phenominal.  She is also one of the finalists in the professional division at the Mayan.  
I think though, you should continue to go out Salsa dancing as often as you can so you can get REAL GOOD at it, and then all your other dances will fall into place - because of the confidense you GAIN from Salsa.  It will also work in reverse.  If you continue to take the ballroom classes, your Salsa improves!!!  Continue dancing and taking lessons - life is too short to put Salsa on hold for a fox trot my friend.  Salsa is, an expression of YOU.  Enjoy it, relax, and don't worry about taking a long time.  It will all fall into place when your time comes.... 

Who Leads?

"Dear Edie,
I read your "What its like to compete and have a partner ..." column. Good stuff, but it was written mostly for women. I have an big issue with my dance partner, and I was wondering if you could give me your perspective.

She recently moved here from [another country]. I think she is the most talented Latin dancer in the whole [city]. She's a real natural. I have a zillion moves that we practice and use together. She also teaches me some really good moves.

She keeps insisting that with really good dancers both the Man and the Woman lead - at the same time! Now this is news to me. My understanding is that there is a leader and a follower, and a good leader will tune into the energy of the follower, and adjust his dance according to the mood of the follower. But she keeps trying to tell me that the women can in effect back-lead moves, that is initiate a turn. We are even suppose to be able to both lead at the same time! So far, all that's happened is that I'm about to start to turn her in one direction, and at the same time she decides to start herself turning in a different way. So there is a near collision, we get thrown way off, and then I start asking myself why am I dancing with her?

Now I'm trying to be understanding and open minded. If I were the woman, I would not want to always be lead around the dance floor, NEVER being able to decide for myself when and how to turn (this is part of why I like Salsa dancing so much, I get to coordinate/execute all these moves). Also, I am not from Costa Rica like she is, and for all I know maybe some people in Costa Rica really can do this! But I think she just frustrated with some other things and this is how she's taking it out on me.

I tell her I want to tune into her mood/expresion more and respond to her. I'll even let her lead me (yes, I'll even dance the woman's part), so long as it's clear we have switched roles. But I want to draw the line when she wants to have two leaders at the same time! To me that's just out of control.

Am I right? Have you ever heard of man and woman leading each other at the same time? In all my time dancing I have never had this issue with anyone else. On the other hand, I've never had such a good partner.

What do you think? Any advice would be appreciated."
- The Other Half

From Professional Salsa Dancer, Joby Vazquez,
Dear Other Half,
Gee, this is a hard one. But honestly I don't believe that there should be two leaders. That would be like to people fighting to be in control. It changes the dance entirely. What makes Salsa so sensual is seeing the man move the women and the women react to his signals. That's what makes good dancers look like they are "one". Both of them leading is "bad dance communication", like to people trying to discuss a subject and there both speaking over each other, never either of them getting across what there trying to say. I believe that there are times where women backlead some steps because all women are different in their interpretation of signals while dancing and there may even be times where a women can manipulate a want for certain moves to happen but like any other situation in life each person must take there job and work to their benefit. He should lead and

she should follow, that's the bottom line. Now for comprimise. Maybe there's moves that she likes to do that he does not do as often as she'd like. If your partners you need to get together and decide for both of you what turns or moves you like best when dancing.

I can say that there are moves that I don't like doing and some that I do. So I tell a Luis. He then won't do the ones I don't like and does ones that I do. I understand that it may not be fair that the man has most of the control of the movement but when your partners it makes it extra special because you can compromise to do what suits you both the best.

Also, here in L.A. we have SIR HARRY, I believe the one and only dancer that let's the women do alot of leading. Where in fact he takes you crossbody lead and stands there while he lets you do whatever footwork, body movement, hand movement you want and then when he senses that you ready to go back on the 1 ( or 2), he leads you into whatever he wants. It's really a wonderful concept. And SIR HARRY is known for that, and I notice alot of guys are beginning to pick that concept up.
Well I hope this all helped. Let me know, ok.
Love ya, Joby

From Professional Salsa Dancer, Josie Neglia ,
Dear Other Half,
In my opinion, there is one leader and one follower. Both roles require a great deal of skill and very different qualities to master. The gentleman was right about a good leader tuning into the mood, level of ability and character of his partner and lead the particular moves accordingly. He is also in charge of choreographing moves to the music and moving around the dance floor without hurting his partner or others (floor craft). This means that he is always the leader and dancing in the "future" where the partner is always responding and dancing in the"now".

However, there is something that I call "playing" that is usually with only the advanced dancers. This is where the man, at times, waits for the lady if she wants to stay and roll & circle her hips slowly a little longer before the man pulls her into the next move (but then it is still up to the man to let this happen) and it is usually because both partners are so into the MUSIC and the music is calling for that extra slowing down or hold (like in a slow sexy introduction or a long highlight). This does not mean however that the lady forces any moves that the man was not intending or initiates any of her own turns while the man is holding her. The follower on the most part, dances the MOMENT as musical as she can be with extra head, arm or footwork within the steps the man is leading.

This may sound a little 'behind the times' that woman are always following but in actual fact, the role of following and being a great dancer are very difficult skills to master and the same is true for leading. One is not easier than the other nor considered more important. They are just different and when a great leader and incredible follower get together-- MAGIC HAPPENS!!

As a professional dancer in many styles of Ballroom and Latin dances, I have been a follower for many years with some incredible leaders, I enjoy the sensational freedom of dancing in the moment, to the music, while my partner is controlling the choreography and my body. I also teach and have lead many ladies, but it is a completely different frame of mind and each roles requires full attention to that role- the follower cannot be a leader at any point- she should master the role of being a great follower and dancer of the music. I hope this answers your question.
Carinos,
Josie Neglia

From Demetris, a phenominal Male Dancer in England,
Dear Other Half,
Here is a copy of my reply to that guy's question. I asked [my friend] his opinion and he said "Slap her", although I doubt he was being serious.

I think that the answer to this question depends on the context in which you are dancing.

If you are dancing in shows, competitions, etc. you cannot afford to have the uncertainty of not knowing who is going to lead the next move. You can either have a set routine or one person (normally the man) can lead. Alternatively, provided it is agreed beforehand, the man and woman can lead different aspects of the dance. For example, the man could initiate a repeating pattern and the woman could give a signal to end the pattern. The most important thing is to avoid the possibility of any misunderstandings.

When you are dancing socially (ie. for pleasure) it is normal for the man to lead and it is normally considered wrong for the woman to initiate moves. This is necessary for practical reasons. Following this convention allows people to dance with partners they have not met before. It also allows the man to control the amount space used on a crowded dance-floor. It has the additional benefit of reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings which could lead to accidents.

I personally believe, however, that provided she doesn't everdo it, there is sometimes scope for the lady to initiate moves. She may have an idea which she can not communicate verbally in a noisy club or she may want to express herself in a way which is only possible if she takes control of the dance for some period of time. This may not always work out, but in this context (ie. social dancing) it doesn't matter if there are occasional misunderstandings. I have found that if a lady dances alot with a particular partner she will eventually get to know when it is appropriate to initiate something.

I think that ladies should bear the following in mind when initiating moves:

- If she overdoes it, she might negate what the man is trying to achieve. For example, if the man decides to go into a partner hold for a quiet section of a particular song, he probably won't be too impressed if the lady releases herself and starts break dancing.

- Some men do not like it when women do anything other than follow their leads and may not want do dance with women who interfere with what they consider to be the natural order!

In the specific case of the guy who mailed you, he doesn't say under what circumstances the woman wishes to lead.

For shows and competitions I think that they must agree beforehand who is leading. For convenience, I would suggest that the man should lead. Doing it the other way would cause confusion when dancing with other partners.

For social dancing I think that the lady should learn to control herself. If the man feels that the dance is out of control then she is definitely going too far. I think that the man agreeing to sometimes dance the lady's part is an excellent compromise which may help keep her happy until they develop an understanding which allows her to take a more active part in initiating moves.

From Professional Salsa Dancer, Janette Valenzuela,
Dear Other Half,
If that girl wants to be a leader in the dance world then Salsa is not the dance for her. Woman leaders in dance are jazz dancers, sometimes ballet, flamenco, african and samba-brazilian. A woman never leads in Salsa. She can, however, assist in certain circumstances and give several 'signals' to her partner. There are always exceptions but it should only be a very minor percentage of the time. If the girl doesn't want to look like a follower then the solution is to simply let the man lead and for her to work on her style and performance. If she concentrates on this aspect of her dancing then she will look like an artist. The couple will look even better if they can connect with each other! This is the challenge of all partnerships. Where is the connection? Where is the ENERGY? Who should lead should never be an issue. Everyone knows the answer to that question.

A dance partnership is a union. The distinction for Salsa partners is very simple: Man- leader Woman - follower Unfortunately, we live in a very macho culture. But that is the truth and that is why I want out!

I hope this helps,
Your friend,
Janette Valenzuela
Salsera con Shoes

You can ask me ANYTHING YOU WANT. I can be reached at salsafreakworldtour@hotmail.com .

Keep dancing!

A great site for ballroom Beginning tips!  http://epb1.lbl.gov/homepages/Ronnen_Levinson/Ballroom.html

Dear Edie, 
I just wanted thank you so much for your site. I just began learning Salsa, and like many men I was overwhelmed by the prospect. As a man, the expectations are such that you are supposed to "get" all this right away so that you can lead properly. I was disheartened after my first group lesson, as things seemed to go so fast, I did not even have a chance to "feel" the basic steps. I thought I was just not cut out for this until I came across your site, and realized others had the same issues when they began. I realized I was not alone in my concerns, and so salsa did not lose yet another male.

Most of my beginner class (men) have left for that reason, and the attitude of some of the women. Please reinforce to female readers the difficulties of not only learning the beat, our steps, the turns, etc... but also having to think several steps ahead of them as well for a good lead. To a beginning male out of his element, all this at once can be intimidating.

(Living in [city] with a large Cuban and PR community, and I being the ONLY anglo (Irish) at the Latin clubs here, it was even more intimidating at first. Unlike NY or LA, where I used to live, it is not quite as open a club scene down here so this gringo has to work extra hard to be accepted. Practicing partners for me, except at the schools, are apparently non-existent. I find that even the good couples here tend to dance with each other most of the night. Rejection at the clubs here is the norm, not the exception, mainly due to my not speaking Spanish well enough yet. They seem to want to go out with me, but not dance... and that is what I am there for.)

But I have decided to become an excellent Salsero, no matter the cost, thanks to the encouragement I found here with you (and my wonderful, beautiful, Puerto Rican girlfriend--she made me say that--:-). I love the scene that much, and have begun practicing 20 hours a week, plus club time. And as you have indicated, I WILL remember all those who snubbed me early on. I hope to meet you someday and thank you in person... I will watch for a group get together or class on SalsaFreak, and take a trip to NY just for that. (As a pilot I look for any reason I can to fly...:-)

I will practice constantly, and hopefully be worthy of dancing just one song with you someday...

For now, just know that you are making more of a positive impact on us beginner salseros than you may know...Thanks again for everything.
Jk